Everything is going to be alright. I have a jobs which I can do and that helps people, I do not feel dread towards other people ( I have no real friends or girlfriend) I feel no shame about not having a active social life and I know a girlfriend is beyond the limit of my understanding. I am happy in the knowledge that I can walk the line with no fear or hope for the future and no great sadness about the past, Win or lose it will be OK. I am no fool I know that things may change but for the moment I am happy with my dreams and small goals .